Features

When Jessica Simpson Said My Name // In 2006, Jessica Simpson released 500+ “custom” versions of one of her singles that featured YOUR name. They’ve since vanished forever. (Can’t Get Much Higher)

Pirouettes Like Jagger // “Upon taking up dance, guest writer Catherine Sinow learned of a little-discussed genre known only to ballerinas” (Can’t Get Much Higher) (backup)

Tim, the Article // An interview with Tim Urban of the very popular long-form blog Wait But Why about his 2023 ebook “What’s Our Problem?” (Tedium) (backup)

Not Rap, Definitely Alien // A bizarre 2008 children’s album called “Alien Rap” has been making rounds in “so-bad-it’s-good” culture. The man who made it is about as weird as you’d think. (Tedium) (backup)

The Married Couple Who Writes About Sexy Presidents & Makes Weird Candles // Hard to explain but this involves [president] John Tyler Swamp Monster fan fiction, a fake movement to hand-wash laundry, a self-removed Ayn Rand stick-and-poke, and a tar pit-themed candle with sinking wax dinosaurs. (OK Whatever) (backup)

Reviews of the Restaurants on Portland’s Williams Avenue // Scroll past the book guy. I review every restaurant on my street. (The Road To Sound) (backup)

How old, ambient Japanese music became a smash hit on YouTube // The YouTube algorithm suddenly made a bunch of random ambient music famous on YouTube in 2016, especially Japanese ambient music. I investigate how this has impacted society; turns out it’s created a quasi-religious confessional practice and a big consumer bloc. (Ars Technica) (backup) Note: this article was translated into Japanese by a Japanese news website I’ve never heard of.

Three algorithm-less streaming sites revive the wacky Web from days of yore // A profile on two experimental programmers who have created an anti-Twitch, and anti-YouTube, and an anti-Facebook. (Ars Technica) (backup)

Autobiographical essay

We Don’t Know Anything About Anything (Summerset Review)

Music interviews and one music essay

Interview with Sonic Boom (Sonemic Interviews) (backup)

Interview With Tommy McCutchon (Sonemic Interviews) (backup)

Interview with Joseph Shabason (Sonemic Interviews) (backup)

Interview with Disasterpeace (Sonemic Interviews) (backup)

Elevators are Everywhere: Music and the Message of The Sims // An essay on how use of elevator music in the original Sims game supported its glaring satire of consumerism. Go to page 14! (The Winnow) (backup)

Interview with Gupi (Sonemic Interviews) (backup)

Interview with Suzanne Ciani (Sonemic Interviews) (backup)

Music reviews for The Wire

A Sight for Sore Eyes (book)

Negativland (live concert)

The Sparks Brothers (documentary)

Dialect (livestreamed concert)

This Is The New Trance by April (album) (here is April’s animated interpretation of my review)

I Am A Cliché (documentary)

Waves: Real and Imagined by Rip Hayman (album)

YT by Opinion (album)

You Look So Serious by Florian T M Ziesig (album)

Frog of Earth by Frog of Earth (album)

Sisters With Transistors (documentary)

Selected things I wrote for the student magazine at Colorado College (2013-2017)

"I literally go here" // The time a car chased me down at 1 AM.

The Brotherhood of Luigi and Bad CGI Rats // Four friends from Buffalo, NY watch horrible movies for fun and make music about the Minions.

Possibly Robots // An interview with Akito van Troyer, an audio art wizard from MIT Media Lab.

Cipher letter from the editor, Desert issue

Soul Food // In this tale, I explore the restaurant Rasta Pasta for the spiritual awakening it truly is.

Hello Kimberly, Goodbye Kimberly // Paper trails of dead identity thieves.

Coming Soon to a Black Market Near You // A journey through kratom, a little-known herb, and the time it almost became Schedule I.

'The Hope We Seek' // A venture capitalist named Rich Shapero wrote a book and hired people to pass it out on college campuses. The book was really bad. I read the whole thing and reviewed it.